Thursday, June 08, 2006

The story of Rod Brind'Amour...

I think I've made pretty clear in my last few posts the I am no fan of Rod Brind'Amour. Actually, I hate his guts. And if he died tomorrow, I would pop open a bottle of champagne (not because I truly want him to die, but because I wouldn't have to see his ugly rat face during otherwise enjoyable hockey telecasts). That being said, I never took the time to understand why he is so damn ugly. But today, ladies and gentlemen, I give you "The Story of Rod Brind'Amour", as told by one of the great storytellers of our time, Huy "Veillotron's Biatch" Nguyen. Enjoy!

"The tragic story of Rod Brind'amour began some 37 years ago. An honest woman was working as a lab technician. One night, a freak accident happened. She had been working a long shift, experimenting with drugs on a lab rat. Very tired, she injected the experimental drugs on herself instead of the rat, wihtout realizing it. Nine months later, a legend was born: Rod Brind'Amour. Half-man, half-rat, he would become the greatest coatail-rider in the history of the NHL.

As a kid, Rod seemed to be fixated on certain cartoon characters, namely Mickey Mouse, Mighty Mouse and itchy (from the simpson). His mother never quite understood where this came from. Later on, as Rod became a full-blown teenager, things got even more weird. One day, as she came home from a long day's work, Rod's mother caught him masturbating while reading a magazine on pest control. It was a special rodent edition.

Things would eventually turn out for the better for Rod. He would go on the marry his high-school sweetheart, a wonderful girl who used to work kids' parties during the summer while dressed up as Minnie Mouse. The couple would go on to have many children, all of whom would experience severe malnutrition issues due to a heavy diet of grilled cheese sandwiches, nachos and excessif mozarella on their pizza.

In the end, Rob would enjoy a terrific hockey career as his half-man, half-rat face would scare opposing players away, allowing him to make a career out of scoring garbage goals and winning faceoffs against centers too scared to get close to him.

The End."

I'll tell you, guys, this is a touching story. Still I hate Rod Brind'Amour. And he will one day burn in Half-Man/Half-Rat Hell.

Dwarf out.

1 Comments:

At 4:07 AM, Blogger Veillotron said...

Thank you to Huy and Dwarf for this entertaining piece of litterature. I had never heard this version of events before... The version I had heard was that Barbara Streisand, when she was a crack whore, once spend a night of mad lovin' with Splinter, the Master Ninja of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles.

Anyway, England won its first game of the World Cup by not playing their best football. Beckham did play well, and so did Joe Cole and Frank Lampard. Come to think of it, I should have taken Cole in my pool. With Gerrard getting a yellow card, I am at the moment minus 2.

 

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